Confessions (Tattoos & Tears Book 3) Read online

  Confessions

  Tattoos and Tears – Book 3

  By Amiee Louise

  Published by Scarlet Lantern Publishing

  Copyright © 2018 by

  Amiee Louise & Scarlet Lantern Publishing

  All rights reserved.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

  This book contains sexually explicit scenes and adult language.

  All characters in this work are 18 years of age or older.

  Table of Contents

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Chapter 30

  Chapter 31

  Chapter 32

  Chapter 33

  Chapter 34

  Chapter 35

  Chapter 36

  Chapter 37

  Chapter 38

  Chapter 39

  Chapter 40

  Chapter 41

  Chapter 42

  Chapter 43

  Chapter 44

  From the Author

  Confessions is the third book in my Tattoos and Tears series. If you haven’t already done so, reading book 1, Temptations, and book 2, Revelations, is necessary to fully enjoy Confessions.

  You can find Temptations on Amazon here: http://mybook.to/TT1Temptations

  And Revelations on Amazon here: http://mybook.to/TT2Revelations

  Thanks for reading, and enjoy Confessions!

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  1

  Sam

  I come around in an all-too-bright room, the dull beep of the machines rings in my ears and my head is pounding.

  “Marley, darling, he’s awake.” My mum’s soft, soothing voice breaks through my consciousness, and I look around the room with wide eyes. “Sam, sweetie.”

  She takes my hand and kisses my knuckles. The tenderness makes my eyes glaze over, and I know I don’t deserve an ounce of sympathy.

  “Mum?” I rasp.

  “I’m here darling, I’m here.” She strokes my hair and a solitary tear slips down my cheek. “You gave us all a scare, sweetie, what the hell were you thinking?” She says sharply, and my dad shakes his head.

  “Lori, not now, my love.”

  I am silently grateful for my dad’s intervention. The door opens and, a nurse steps into the room. She is a short, plump, older lady with short blonde greying hair and warm kind hazel eyes.

  “How are you feeling, Mr. Newbolt?” She says in a West Country accent and, I look at her.

  “Please, call me Sam.”

  She nods and smiles earnestly.

  “How are you feeling, Sam?”

  I shrug, and I suddenly feel the overwhelming urge to vomit.

  “Shit! I’m going to be sick.” The nurse holds a grey cardboard bowl out for me and, I vomit violently. “Christ, I’m sorry.”

  She smiles.

  “No bother, my lovely, it’s all perfectly normal,” She says brightly. She pours some water into a glass and hands it to me.

  “Thank you, I appreciate your kindness, but I don’t deserve it.”

  I take a long drink of water and drain the glass, relishing the cold liquid and soothing my dehydrated throat.

  “We all handle grief in different ways, my love, but we’re going to keep you in for a few days, just for observation.”

  I nod.

  “You have some very loyal fans, Sam, they’re camping out outside. We’ve had to get in extra security to keep the press out too, bloody vultures.”

  She rolls her eyes and proceeds to take my blood pressure. My mum kisses me on the forehead.

  “We’re just going to get some coffees and let the boys know you’re awake, sweetie.”

  I nod. My dad brushes my hand in reassurance, and they both leave the room.

  “I’m Kate, by the way,” the nurse introduces herself, and I smile.

  “Pleased to meet you, Kate.”

  She smiles brightly.

  “My daughters and my nieces are huge fans of your band, Sam.”

  She finishes checking my blood pressure and writes it down on a clipboard.

  “Thank you, I’m flattered, we can sign something for them if you would like?” I ask, and she nods.

  “That would be lovely, thank you.”

  I smile.

  “The doctor will be in to see you in a little while, my lovely, I’ll be back to check on you.”

  She winks and exits the room, leaving me to my thoughts. After Kate leaves, I doze off, I am not sure how long I am asleep, but when I wake the rest of the band are all sat around my bed. I can’t meet Jax’s gaze; he has such a haunted look in his eyes, and I feel responsible for it. The sense of guilt that washes over me is overpowering and the silence in the room palpable. Brody breaks the silence.

  “What the fuck were you thinking, soppy bollocks?”

  With those words, Jax scrapes the chair across the floor; he gets up and leaves the room.

  “He’s just upset, dude,” Lucas says, and I scrub my hands down my face.

  “I can’t say I blame him, to be honest, mate,” I say softly, and I know I have a lot of making up to do. Jax has seen me at my worst, and I will never be able to apologise enough for him finding me like that.

  “The press are having a fucking field day. On the plus side, our album sales are up, and we’re back at number one in the rock chart. It’s fucking amazing what a suicide attempt can do for our careers,” Brody jokes, and we all laugh. I realise that this is the first time in days that I have actually laughed, and it feels pretty fucking good, I’m definitely making progress. The door opens, and Kate walks back into the room.

  “It’s good to see that smile back on your face, Sam, it suits you, my love.”

  She smiles warmly, and if I’m not mistaken, she actually swoons on the spot at the presence of the other boys.

  “Kate, these are my friends and bandmates, Brody and Lucas. Brody, Lucas, this is Kate.”

  I introduce them, and Brody stands up. He moves over to Kate and kisses the back of her hand.

  “Pleased to meet you, Kate, I’ve always liked a woman in uniform.”

  He winks cheekily, and I can’t resist bantering back.

  “Oh, yeah, what was her name?”

  Brody smirks.

  “Funny fucker, see you haven’t lost your charming wit and sense of humour.”

  I roll my eyes dramatically, and Kate observes the exchange between us, chuckling softly.

  “And here’s me thinking it was my dazzling personality and my dashing good
looks!”

  Brody laughs, and his face turns serious.

  “Seriously, though, dude, we’re glad to have you back, you scared the living shit out of us all.”

  My face turns serious too.

  “I’m sorry,” I say softly.

  “You ever pull that shit on us again, and I’ll fucking bury you myself.”

  Brody snarls and I nod. Lucas looks at me.

  “Give Jax some time, dude, he’ll come ‘round.”

  These boys are like my brothers, and I couldn’t bear the fact that my selfish actions could potentially cause a rift between us. They say time can be a healer, I can only hope that they’re right.

  Two days pass in a blur of well-wishers and hospital staff. I am on suicide watch, monitored twenty-four hours a day, and I’m never left alone, not even to use the bathroom or the toilet. When I take a shower, the door is left ajar, and Kate keeps watch outside, asking if I am OK every couple of minutes. Kate has played a significant role in my stay at the hospital. She keeps track of my mood and writes down what and how much I eat. She has been like a mother hen, and I have been grateful for her company and mindless chatter.

  I am wearing a hospital gown because any clothing I own that has strings, laces, or belts attached has been confiscated. I have been seeing a counsellor once a day, which has been helping a lot. On the second day, I wake to find Sophia sat next to my bed.

  “Sophia?” I rasp, and she leans back in the chair.

  “How could you, Sam? How fucking could you? What the fuck were you thinking trying to take your own life, you selfish bastard!”

  She snaps, and I don’t think I have heard Sophia swear or curse once since I met her.

  “You were the love of Peyton’s life, and you tried to take that away from us, you selfish, heartless wanker!”

  She shouts.

  “What the hell would Peyton say? I’m fucking disgusted at what you’ve done, how could you do that to your poor mum and dad? To us? To your fans? To those boys?” She spits angrily, and her anger shocks me, but it suddenly hits me with crystal clarity. I am overwhelmed by guilt and shame of what I have put those around me through by trying to take the cowards’ way out.

  “I-I—” I stutter, and she looks at me with disgust.

  “Don’t you bloody dare say you’re sorry, Sam Newbolt!”

  She shouts again, and a tear rolls down my cheek, I am disgusted with myself.

  “After all you and Peyton went through, you do this. You’re a coward Sam, a weak, pathetic, selfish coward. We have already lost our daughter, isn’t that enough? You fucking disgust me.”

  She narrows her eyes at me.

  “I’m a disgusting human being, and I can’t bear to think that I’ve caused you and Max any unnecessary pain. I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry, I’m so ashamed,” I sob. “Oh, Christ, oh fuck, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” I sob harder, and the door opens.

  “What the fuck is going on, Mum? I could hear you shouting down the corridor.” Dexter comes in and observes the situation unfolding in front of him between his mum and me. “Jesus Christ, please tell me you haven’t, Mum? You didn’t-” he says sternly. The door opens, and as Dexter is about to speak again, Kate steps in.

  “I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to ask both of you to leave. I can’t have my patient put under any unnecessary distress,” she says austerely, and I am thankful for her intervention.

  “Sam, mate, I’m so sorry,” Dexter says, and Sophia narrows her eyes on him.

  “Don’t you bloody dare apologise for me, Dexter Harper.”

  Her and Dexter both leave, Kate picks up her clipboard and takes a seat.

  “I’m going to have to jot that down, Sam, I’m sorry.”

  I shake my head and sniff, wiping my eyes on my sleeve.

  “It’s fine, Christ, I’m so ashamed. Everything she said was right.”

  Kate looks at me sympathetically and places her hand on mine.

  “You’re mourning a loss, sweetheart, it’s understandable.”

  She writes something down on her clipboard, and I regard her intently.

  “I’m just doing my job, my love,” she says softly, and smiles. Her warm, compassionate nature has aided my recovery over the past few days, and I will be forever grateful to her. The door taps and Jax walks in. It is the first time I have seen him since he walked out two days ago. Kate turns, and her mouth drops open as she catches sight of Jax in all his blonde tattooed glory. He reminds me of Thor, with his blonde flowing locks and goatee beard. I smirk at the thought.

  “Kate, this is my friend and bandmate Jax. Jax, this is Kate.”

  Jax salutes.

  “Kate, pleasure to meet you, babe.”

  He shakes Kate’s hand and winks as she stands up

  “I’ll leave you boys to it, I’ll come back to check on you in a little while, Sam.”

  She stands up, smiles brightly and leaves the room. I gesture for Jax to take a seat and he sits down.

  “Are you actually going to look at me?”

  I break the awkward silence that seems to have settled in the room. He lifts his head, and his eyes lock with mine. The haunted look from two days ago has disappeared and has been replaced with one of concern.

  “I’m so sorry, Jax.”

  He shakes his head.

  “Do not ever fucking pull that crap on me again, Sam,” he says sharply.

  “Finding you like that…fuck, it was probably the worst thing I’ve ever witnessed. Finding you in a pool of your own blood, there was so much blood, Sam.”

  He closes his eyes briefly at the memory and swallows harshly, as if he is swallowing back a lump in his throat.

  “I thought … I thought you were fucking dead. If you felt so low, you could have fucking talked to me, instead of trying to take your own god damn life!”

  His eyes are glazed over, and he runs his hands through his hair.

  “It’s bad enough that I have to listen to my girlfriend crying herself to sleep every night because she misses Peyton so much. It breaks my heart, Sam, it tears me the fuck apart every single time.”

  This time a tear escapes and rolls down his cheek. My heart clenches at the thought that I am the one responsible for this.

  “I couldn’t bear the thought of losing my best friend, my fucking brother. We might not be related by blood, but you’re my family, Sam.”

  I look up at the ceiling struggling to rein in the emotions that are threatening to overwhelm me.

  Breathe, Newbolt.

  “I’ll never be able to apologise enough for what I put you through, Jax, but … but I couldn’t see another way out, the pain of losing her… it … Fuck … it consumes me. It hurts so fucking badly, I just wanted it all to stop.”

  Jax takes a breath and looks at me.

  “Do you think she would have wanted this?”

  My heart aches at his words, and the truth is, no, she wouldn’t have wanted it. Peyton was so full of life, so beautiful on the inside and on the outside. She made my life worthwhile; she made life bearable again for the first time in years. She made me feel alive and to have her so cruelly ripped away from me like that, was more than I could stand. I like to think that I am a strong person but deep down I know I’m weak. I’m weak for wanting to purposely take my own life when she would have given everything to be here with me right now. It is with that thought that I vow to get my life back on track not just for me but for Peyton too. My Peyton.

  ***

  A month passes by, and I have been discharged from hospital. A lot has changed in a month. Brody has been admitted to rehab for his out of control drug addiction; it seems Peyton’s death hasn’t just taken its toll on me. As a band, with J.D’s blessing, we have decided to take a year out of the music industry.

  Jax and Ruby have finally taken a leap and have moved in together, taking their relationship to the next level. It is so good to see them both happy. Jax is pursuing some solo projects and collaborating with other artists. Af
ter the pain of losing her best friend, Ruby decided that life was too precious to waste time regretting things and she has become a permanent fixture to the Rancid Vengeance family.

  Lucas has decided to take some well-earned time out and is spending some time in America to pursue his other passions, which are surfing and photography. He always tells me that there is nothing like the rush you experience when you catch a wave. Before the band made it big, Lucas would sell his photographs to pay the bills. His talent goes way beyond drumming, and some of his photography has been used in our album artwork over the past ten years.