Redemption (Tattoos & Tears - Brody Book 1) Page 22

“Hey.”

  I smile warmly, feeling unusually shy around him.

  Today is my last day in rehab and as the days have gone on, we’ve spent time together and gotten to know each other. Even though we’ve known this day would inevitably come, yet I’m still not prepared for it. I’m not prepared for the goodbye; I’m not prepared to go back to the real world or to my real life. This past six months we’ve been in our very own bubble and I’m not ready for it to burst. Not yet.

  “Hey yourself,” I chuckle softly to disguise the waiver in my voice. He avoids meeting my gaze and idly plays with a piece of loose skin on his thumb.

  “Something on your mind, handsome?” I say sassily.

  “Only you, beautiful,” he compliments, and I can’t help blushing at his sweet words.

  I pause, desperately trying to let him know I feel the same.

  “I know we agreed to keep it casual, but I can’t stop thinking about you,” I blurt out, taking him completely by surprise.

  But I don’t feel panicked, or uneasy about admitting it to him.

  “Ditto, kitten.”

  I swallow hard at his admission, in a desperate bid to keep my emotions in check.

  “I know I’m never going to be the man you deserve but know that I tried for you. Our story was...unconventional, it’s one to tell the grandkids years from now! We’re not saying goodbye, kitten, just...see you. We’re bound to run into each other, we run in the same circles. But I have to say, this is one of the most unforgettable stays in rehab I’ve ever experienced.”

  He laughs nervously.

  “I’ve been in and out of rehab for ten fucking years and this is the first time I’ve met someone I’ve wanted…more with. I’m not sure how much more I can give you, but maybe we could at least…try? Let me take you out, sometime? I mean…you don’t have to,” he babbles, almost unsure of himself.

  “Like a date?” I question.

  He laughs and nods. “Exactly like a date, let me show you I can be a gentleman outside of the bedroom.”

  He wiggles his split tongue provocatively and I laugh at his outrageousness. He’s so different to men I’ve been with in the past, I love his carefree attitude, his wicked sense of humour and gentle nature.

  “I don’t know how I’m going to go back to my normal life, knowing you’re living your life without me in it,” he admits sincerely, and his honesty makes me want to burst into tears.

  My eyes glaze over, and I hang my head, shifting my gaze to the floor. He lifts my chin up to face him and I can’t look him directly in the eyes.

  “Look at me, kitten.”

  His voice a rough command, as I look up to meet his turbulent silver orbs. I catch sight of how handsome he is. Six foot two, lean yet muscular and his dark brown hair cut close to his head, giving me an uninterrupted view of his devastatingly gorgeous face. High cheekbones, strong jaw, and the sexy scar above his left eyebrow, that’s almost invisible unless you’re close up. My stomach fills with butterflies and flip flops, as he edges closer. I can feel his warm, minty breath on my cheek. He strokes my face so tenderly and the touch is filled with all the words he can’t say out loud. The purple, bruise-like shadows underneath his eyes tell of sleepless nights, all night partying and a lifetime of regrets, broken promises, and never-ending stints in rehab.

  “Our first kiss was life-changing, it was the moment my broken soul found yours. Look for me outside rehab, beautiful. I’ll be waiting.”

  He presses a chaste kiss to my lips, a kiss that’s filled with promises of tomorrows, possibly promises he won’t be able to keep, but I’m hopeful we will see each other again and with that, he’s gone.

  ***

  I’m jolted back to the present by my phone vibrating in my hand.

  Heyyy girl!

  Going to have to rain check on tonight’s girl’s night.

  So sorry, something’s come up at work!

  Looong story!

  It’s Liv and Jensen’s anniversary today, which I completely forgot about!

  Another time?

  Mav xx

  I sigh, as I read Maverick’s text message. I hear the door to the trailer open and Nick enters.

  “Bloody hell! Are you not finished yet?” he says dramatically as he catches the look on my face.

  He strides over and reaches for my hand.

  “Is something wrong, love?”

  I look up from my phone, unable to hide my disappointment.

  “Me and a couple of girl friends were supposed to be going on a girl’s night out tonight, but she’s just cancelled. I was really looking forward to it, that’s all.”

  I put my phone on the dressing table and lean back in my chair.

  “Well, call me your fairy god father, because your prayers are about to be answered! A bunch of us of going for drinks at a local pub, just down the road after we finish up here, you’re more than welcome to join us, love?” Nick says animatedly, and I find myself smiling at his enthusiasm.

  “Yeah, yeah, why the fuck not! Let’s do it!”

  Nick claps.

  “Yaaaayy! Now come on, they’re waiting for you on set!”

  I look up at Lorna regarding me intently.

  “All done!” she sings, and I look in the mirror at her handiwork.

  She’s done an excellent job of making me look halfway decent. I’m so impressed I don’t push the issue any further. I’ve turned into one of those girls who just buries her head in the sand, when in reality I’ve never been one of those girls. We say our goodbyes and I try to forget all about this mysterious woman who may or may not know Brody Hart intimately.

  22

  Brody

  I don’t know how I manage to perform a song on ‘Live @ Breakfast’. I managed to smile in the right places and I just about held it together. As soon as the performance was done, I couldn’t get out of there quick enough. In a daze, I left the TV studios and I couldn’t get Lorna out of my head. Why the fuck would she willingly have sex with me and then discard me like I meant nothing? Today was meant to be about me and Raleigh, it was meant to be a bittersweet reunion, after a whole month of being apart, but Lorna Lavelle had to go and shoot it all to fucking hell.

  “You alright, mate?”

  Sam’s low timbre cutting through my wayward thoughts. Jax and Lucas have both gone to the venue for tonights’ gig, leaving me and Sam in the car park to follow with two of our security team close by to escort us.

  “Yeah, fine, man, yeah, I’m good.”

  I smile, but he knows me better than that. Sam’s always seen right through my bullshit. He clears his throat, before he speaks.

  “You can’t bullshit me, Brody, surely you must know that by now? She’s really got to you, hasn’t she?” Sam observes, and I can’t meet his gaze, knowing that I was willingly unfaithful to Raleigh.

  Fuck, I hate myself right now. What the fuck was I thinking? My little head was in control and my big head, he well and truly checked out. He furrows his brow and folds his thick, muscular arms across his broad chest.

  “You fucked her didn’t you?” he says with a wry smirk, and a sense of utter shame washes over me as I nod regretfully, hanging my head in absolute fucking shame.

  I forget how well he knows me sometimes.

  “We fucked bareback, then she just left telling me it meant nothing, that I meant nothing. Apparently, we needed to fuck each other out of our systems and she expects me to just carry on like nothing happened! How could she do that to me, Sam? After all we’ve been through!” I say with an incredulous tone to my voice, and he grasps my shoulder in a silent gesture of reassurance.

  I briefly squeeze my eyes shut, willing myself not to burst into tears. She’s the only woman I’ve ever been this fucked up over. I take a few deep calming breaths and steel myself for his reply.

  “I’m sorry, I really don’t know what to say, man.”

  Sam Newbolt lost for words, now that’s a fucking first.

  I tuck my hands in my pockets and
overwhelming, intense urge to get high grips me tight, threatening to choke me where I stand. I stumble to the side and struggle to regain my cool composure. Shit, that was unexpected.

  “Whoa! You good, dude? You don’t look so great.”

  Sam’s voice is barely audible, as I feel the colour drain from my cheeks.

  “I…” I garble incoherently, blindly grappling for something to steady me.

  I feel weak and so fucking out of control. My heart is racing, and the blood is roaring in my ears.

  “Brody?”

  Slightly dazed, I look up at Sam, as he reaches for me. I frantically and carelessly shove him away. He can’t fucking see me like this. I shake my head vigourously and desperately claw at my throat. My breath comes in short, sharp, wheezing pants and I can’t fucking breathe, as I urgently try to gulp precious air into my lungs. What the fuck is happening to me? I stagger in the general direction of the TV studios, my vision suddenly clouding and the floor swaying beneath my feet, as my whole world plunges into darkness.

  ***

  I come around, shaky, disoriented and wondering what the fuck happened. How did I end up on the floor?

  “He’s just come round, I’ll call you back, ok, will do, bye.”

  Sam tucks his phone back in the pocket.

  “Brody? Mate, it’s Sam. Fuck me, you scared the living shit out of me! What happened? Are you feeling ok?”

  Sam’s concerned rasp cuts through my foggy brain, as he gets down on his haunches next to me. Unexpectedly, an overwhelming feeling of resentment clouds my entire being and I hate that Sam saw me as that out of control, scared, vulnerable, fucked up man-child I tried so hard to hide from everyone.

  “FUCK YOU, SAM!”

  I am trembling with inconsolable rage and I feel myself slowly losing control. Rick told me to count to ten if I ever felt that way, well I say fuck you Rick and your psychobabble bullshit, vodka, a few lines of coke and a bit of pussy is more my style. Deep breaths, Hart, you don’t need that shit anymore. I get unsteadily to my feet and Sam blocks my path, as I go to walk away.

  “Whoa! Fucking stop for a minute, yeah? Are we going to talk about what just happened?” he snaps.

  “It was no big deal, just fucking drop it, mate,” I say nonchalantly.

  He cocks his head and regards me intently. “You just fucking collapsed for no reason! Are you going to tell me what’s going on with you?”

  I scrub my hands down my face. I really don’t need this shit right now; I need something to take the edge off. I need to be obliterated to block out these dark thoughts and the urge to shove Columbia’s deficit up my hooter.

  “I just want to help, that’s all, I’m fucking worried about you.”

  His voice softens, and I take a calming breath.

  “I c…can’t talk about it, I…”

  I stop myself from continuing, he can’t know, he can’t find out how much of a fuck up I truly am.

  “When was the last time you slept? I mean properly for the whole night?”

  I briefly close my eyes, wishing I could confide in my best friend. You just wouldn’t fucking understand.

  “I’m fine, now just drop it, yeah? Now, are we going to fucking rehearse, or not?” I snap impatiently, ignoring his questioning concern.

  End of conversation, for now at least.

  ***

  The day goes by in a flash of rehearsals and before I know it, it’s time for us to perform a gig in front of a crowd of twenty thousand hardcore screaming fans. It never fails to get my adrenaline pumping and the euphoric feeling never gets old.

  “Fourteen years, London! Can you believe that! Wow! We’ve come a long way since our first album!” Sam says with absolute awe in his voice, as if he still can’t believe all these people are here supporting us.

  “We’ve come so far since we released our first album and we performed our first gig in a dodgy back street pub, dodging glasses and stepping over drunks! That has always reminded us to stay grounded and never let the fame go to our heads. As a band, as a family, we’ll always be forever fucking grateful to each and every one of you for coming out, spending money on tickets and merch’, so we fucking owe you a show, right!” Sam growls into the microphone and the crowd goes wild.

  Their cheering is so loud I think they can hear it in the next city over. We all move to the front of the stage and the people in the front row are reaching up, screaming our names.

  “Are you having fun London!”

  The crowd go crazy, and it vibrates with their energy.

  “Tonight, we wanted to come out here and have some fun with our fucking family! Because every single one of you guys are our extended Vengeance family. I know we keep saying it, but we wouldn’t be here without you. You’ve supported us since the beginning and some bands get to where we are and turn into complete fucking pricks, but we are not that band! We’ll keep coming out to perform for you, even when we’re old and grey! I just wanna’ take this opportunity to say thank you for all your support over the past fourteen years! Here’s to another fourteen fucking years, London! Give me a riff, Flash!” he growls, turning to Jax, flashing him a wink.

  Jax cocks his eyebrow and breaks out into a shit-eating grin. What Jax does with a guitar, is definitely not fucking ordinary, he is a musical genius. Everything vibrates when he turns up his amp and the audience are treated to a rendition of ‘Sweet Revenge’, a track from our new album.

  I follow suit and in a totally different way to Jax, my guitar speaks a musical language to my soul. The strumming sound had a hypnotic, yet soothing quality that I craved, like a non-chemical high. To lose myself to the melody was my idea of a heavenly way to die.

  Lucas pounds a complex drum beat, as I move gracefully across the stage to stand back-to-back with Jax and we give the audience what they came for, a fucking show.

  23

  Raleigh

  After a long, gruelling but productive day of filming, what better way to relax than a few drinks in a nice quaint pub not far from where we have spent our day. I’m looking good, feeling great and for once I’m loving the direction my life is currently taking, I’m finally content. Tonight I’m opting for a black choker dress, with a rainbow-coloured lion on the front with sky high black ankle boots. My short hair is styled sleek and straight, and my make-up is natural and flawless, making me look fresh faced and glowing.

  The pub is called ‘The Cutty Sark’, close to the University of Greenwich and is a quirky hidden gem. It features some of the original brewing tanks from the local Greenwich brewery and has an old, weathered railway sleeper for a bar top. It is old mixed with new and the perfect place to unwind after a long day.

  “What you drinking, darlin’?” Gavin asks.

  “I’ll have a beer, please?”

  He winks. “That’s my girl!”

  Gavin goes to the bar to order our drinks, leaving me and Nick alone. He turns to me.

  “So, what did you make of the new make-up girl today?”

  I’m about to speak when Gavin puts our drinks down on the table and Nick pulls his phone out.

  “Come on, guys, let’s do a selfie!”

  I roll my eyes. We all move in close and pose, as Nick snaps a picture with his phone. His fingers move lightning fast across the screen of his phone.

  “That’s one for Instagram!”

  He turns his phone to show me, the photo of all of us and the caption:

  TheOne&OnlyNickSlade: Ready for our close-up! Drinks after work with @RealRaleighStorm and @GavinJKincaid

  I smile at how carefree we all look and take a long welcome sip of my drink. After a while of chatting about our respective day and shooting the breeze, I’m finally feeling relaxed. The door of the pub swings open and as I look up, I see the last person I expected to see. Carter Leonard, my slimy, scum of the earth, grade A, arsehole, ex-boyfriend. My stomach roils at the sight of him, and I can’t believe he’s here. What the fuck is he doing here? Is he stalking me? He spots me almost
instantly and smiles his dazzling, boy-next-door smile and I start to question how I fucking fell for his fake, over the top bullshit. Was I really that weak and desperate?

  He waves and begins to saunter over, don’t get me wrong Carter Leonard is a good-looking man, he’s six feet tall, he’s lean, muscular, with broad shoulders. He has jade green eyes, his sandy blonde hair is styled into a neat quiff and he has grown a beard since I last saw him. He is wearing blue jeans and a black t-shirt. I start to feel my chest tighten as he approaches us, and I try to hide my obvious fear and disdain for him.