Redemption (Tattoos & Tears - Brody Book 1) Read online

  “Fuck, say something, please. Let me know I’m not the only one, I stayed away because it’s what you wanted, but tonight has taught me I’m incapable of doing that,” I say with more than hint of anguish and pure vulnerability in my voice.

  As I say those words, her shoulders sag and she finally looks up at me. The sadness and utter devastation in her eyes is visible, and it breaks my fucking heart.

  “I’d love nothing more than to be yours, Brody, but I can’t. Stefan…he needs me.”

  My jaw tightens at the mention of her cocksucker of a husband, and I clench my fists at my side until my knuckles turn white.

  “I’m nothing without you, Lorna. I can’t be with another woman without thinking of you.”

  She shakes her head. Why the fuck do I do this to myself?

  “Please, don’t make me choose, Brody, I can’t. I fucking won’t. Not again,” she says, with a sharpness to her voice, that I’ve never heard before.

  I move closer to her and she flinches when I grab the tops of her arms.

  “What’s he done this time, Lorna?” I ask, with an accusatory edge to my voice and she retreats into herself.

  “I-It’s nothing,” she says quietly, and she hugs herself.

  “I’m calling fucking bullshit,” I say softly, as I shift her kimono down her other shoulder.

  For a minute, I think she’s going to stop me, but she doesn’t. Beneath the material, is large, angry, purple bruise, in the shape of a set of fingerprints.

  “Motherfucker,” I curse softly. “Did that fucking prick do this?” I hiss furiously, and just by the look on her face, I know the answer.

  “Don’t fucking call him that! I deserved it, he’s ill, Brody. He hasn’t been the same since the accident.”

  Am I hearing right? She’s fucking defending him. It was well documented in the press, that Stefan Lavelle had a serious, almost fatal, surfing accident. Where he was wiped out by a fifty-foot wave, in a surfing competition, in Portugal. He broke his neck and severely damaged his spine and shoulder.

  “Unbelievable! Why the fuck are you defending him? Don’t make excuses for him, L. He laid his fucking hands on you and I’m gonna’ fucking kill him, I swear,” I say with conviction, and the panic in her eyes sets my nerves on edge.

  “You can’t, he can’t know about us, Brody. He’ll kill us both.”

  She sounds terrified and I shake my head, laughing sullenly.

  “Then fucking bring it on, because if he tries, I’ll make sure I bury him first, and I will burn every ounce of evidence. That’s not a threat, babe, it’s a fucking promise,” I say, with a chilling edge to my voice.

  “Brody,” she warns and my cock jumps to attention at the sound of her voice.

  She’s like the forbidden fruit. I can’t fucking help myself.

  “What’s it going to fucking take for you to realise he’s no good for you, Lorna? You deserve so much better than him.”

  My voice barely a whisper and she hangs her head, avoiding eye contact with me. She busies herself wiping the kitchen counter. She knows I’m right, she’s just too scared to admit it.

  “So, who’s this other woman then?” she asks curiously, subtly changing the subject and I perch myself on a stool at her kitchen island, sighing audibly.

  So that’s the way she’s going to play?

  “Her names’ Raleigh, Raleigh Storm, she’s an actress. We’ve been seeing each other, on and off, we met in rehab,” I explain, and she laughs melodically.

  “Wow! Now there’s a story to tell the grandkids!”

  I find myself laughing along with her.

  “Yeah, I guess it is. She-she’s just a distraction,” I say flippantly, and she shakes her head, almost regretfully.

  “Don’t do that, Brody. Don’t dismiss it, don’t dismiss her, you must feel something for her, or you wouldn’t have run away from her, when she said the ‘L’ word. You said it to me, what’s so different about her?” she says softly, and I hang my head at the memory of when I first told her I loved her.

  Not my finest hour, I have to admit.

  “She’s not you, she doesn’t know me the way you know me. Jesus, she doesn’t get me the way you do,” I declare as she steps closer to me, my heart hammering in my chest.

  “You need to let her in! How is she supposed to know you if you don’t open up to her! Why are you doing this to yourself? You’re torturing yourself, over something that’s never going to happen, it was great while it lasted, but my life is here, with Stefan.”

  Listening to those words coming from her mouth. It fucking stings.

  “Did these past four years mean nothing to you, Lorna? Four years I’ve watched you choose him instead of me, over and over again! Do you know how that makes me feel? I fell in love with you! How could I not? You made it so easy, you’re so fucking beautiful, your crazy compliments my kind of crazy.”

  I reach out to stroke her face, she leans into my touch, briefly closing her eyes, as my phone starts to ring. I see her name flash up and quickly dismiss her call, as Lorna puts some considerable distance between us, retreating into herself.

  “Why are you really here, Brody? Are you asking my permission to move on? Or is it something else?”

  I pause for a few moments, to think about her question. Am I asking for her permission, or am I scared of the way I feel for Raleigh? Can I feel the same love for Raleigh, as I felt for Lorna? The love that Sam and Peyton keep speaking about, the butterfly inducing, soul crushing love, that completely takes over your entire being? Suddenly and completely out of nowhere, I seemingly come to my senses. I shouldn’t fucking be here, I can’t fucking be here. I get up from my seat, as if my arse is on fire and pace the kitchen, like a mad man clucking for a fix. I am clucking for a fix, but it’s not chemical. It’s her. I have to go to Raleigh.

  “Brody?” she asks softly, and I continue to pace.

  “I-I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have come here, I should go, I-”

  I’m at a loss of how to carry on, so I don’t bother with an explanation, I turn and walk away to the sound of her calling my name.

  ***

  After I left Lorna’s, I just rode around on my bike for a while, trying to get my head straight, trying to get my feelings and jumbled up thoughts, in some kind of order. I find myself pulling up outside the place I always seem to gravitate towards when I need to put my shit into perspective. I park my bike in my usual spot and I walk into the Rise and Shine Cafe, the smell reminding me of my home comforts, freshly brewed coffee, and bacon cooking. The bell chiming signals my entrance and I smile at Emmy, who is behind the counter. As usual, she beams at me and rushes towards me and I catch her, throwing her arms and legs around me excitedly.

  "Brody!"

  I hug her tightly, laughing as she clings to me. "It's good to see you too, Ems."

  I laugh at her childlike enthusiasm and set her down on her feet. I look to my left and see that her little brother, Malakai is sitting at the table, with a glass of milk, a plate of Oreos and his colouring book. Malakai is six years old, and he has autism. He hero worships me, and he knows every one of our songs by heart. He is a die-hard Rancid Vengeance fan.

  "Hey buddy."

  His little face lights up when he looks from his colouring book to me.

  "Snake!"

  I smile, as he calls me by my stage name.

  “Hey Mal, how’s it going, my main man?”

  He grins, we bump fists, as he pushes his plate of Oreo’s towards me, and I sit down opposite him.

  “Oreo’s are my favourite, but I only share them with Snake from Rancid Vengeance,” he babbles excitedly.

  I pluck one from the plate as Emmy lands a cup of coffee, just the way I like it, on the table in front of me.

  “I’ve missed you, babe. It’s been a while.”

  I dunk my Oreo into my coffee and chew. She smiles shyly, as Malakai continues to colour in his colouring book.

  “I know, I’ve been super busy! I’m go
ing back to college to study Early Years Education and Care.”

  I take a welcome sip of my coffee and finish my Oreo. “That’s fantastic news, I’m so happy for you! It’s about time you did something for you!”

  She smiles and takes a seat opposite me, regarding me intently. “Thank you, so what’s been happening in the World of Brody?”

  I laugh, as I take another sip of my coffee. “Same old, same old, Ems. We’ve just come home from a tour; needed to come and visit my best girl!”

  She giggles girlishly, and Malakai looks up from his colouring book.

  “Emmy and Snake sitting in a tree!”

  He laughs as Emmy blushes an adorable shade of pink.

  “Shut up, Mal!”

  She pouts, narrowing her eyes on him and he sticks his tongue out at her. I reach across the table for her hand.

  “Don’t do that, remember, stamina of an Olympian?”

  I wink and she laughs at the memory.

  “So, why are you really here, Brody?” she asks, and I sigh audibly, leaning back heavily in my chair.

  “Woman trouble, Raleigh, the girl I’m seeing. She told me she loved me, and I don’t know what to do,” I admit, and she nods.

  “What’s wrong with that? You’re easy to love, Brody. Who wouldn’t fall in love with you?” she blurts out, and when she realises what she’s said, she slaps her hand over her mouth. “Oh my God! Sorry, I-I didn’t mean that-well I meant it-shoot, I’m not in love with you!”

  I laugh and squeeze her hand. Malakai laughs mischievously.

  “Emmy loves Brody!” he says with a slight lisp as she blushes again and I chuckle softly, ruffling Malakai’s hair.

  “Troublemaker! Don’t sweat the small stuff, sweets, life is too short.”

  I shrug, as she nudges me to continue.

  “She told me she loved me, and I bolted like a bat out of hell. Then I found myself at my ex’s place, it’s all such a mess, Ems.”

  I put my hand to my head, and she leans back in her seat, studying me carefully.

  “It’s only a mess if you make it that way, chick,” she says cryptically, and I look up at her. She’s looking especially pretty today.

  Since I started coming here, we have gotten to know each other over the years, and she’s become a good friend to me. I’ve watched her turn from an awkward kid into a beautiful woman.

  “How old were you when you first lost your virginity, Brody?” she asks inquisitively and I smirk as I remember the first time I had sex with Hayley Stark, when I was fourteen.

  “I was fourteen; it wasn’t all hearts and flowers. I was a wham-bam-thank-you-mam, back then! I wasn’t the sex God I am now, naturally!” I joke, and she giggles.

  I love to make her laugh; something about her tells me she doesn’t do it often.

  “I want my first time to be special, like it is in the movies. All rose petals, soft music and candlelight.”

  She rests her head on her hands and she gets this dreamy, faraway look in her eyes. My eyes widen, as I hear her admit she’s a virgin.

  “Shit! You’re a virgin? Wow! How can someone as stunning as you, still be a virgin?”

  She blushes.

  “Are you blushing, Ems?” I tease, and she narrows her eyes.

  “I just haven’t found the right man yet, I haven’t had the butterflies fluttering in my belly when I’m around a guy, when I get those, I’ll know.”

  I love how innocently she sees the world. It’s rare for someone so young, to have such an old, wise, and sensible head on her shoulders.

  “Wise words from someone so young,” I say as I take the remaining few sips of my coffee.

  This girl makes the best fucking coffee in London. Even better than her mum used to make.

  “How come you’ve never settled down like Sam? He’s like mega fit, but you’re-you, you’re never photographed with the same woman twice, this woman must be special if she told you she loved you,” she babbles and gestures animatedly with her hands as I cock my eyebrow, ignoring her previous statement.

  “Wow! Does someone have a crush on my best mate? He’s pussy whipped, since he got married, his cock is tiny, and he has a lightning bolt tattooed on his arse! My cock on the other hand, has a snake tattooed around it and it’s pierced, I’m hardcore! Most women can’t handle me, babe!”

  I brush off her blatantly trying to figure me out and she must realise, because she pouts.

  “Why do you do that? It’s like you can’t take a compliment,” she says perceptively, as she cocks her head to the side, and I shrug.

  “I don’t take life too seriously; I had a rough upbringing. I did what I had to, just to survive. Sam had it all, his dad was a world-famous rock star, I came from a council estate in Hackney. It didn’t get better for me until I met the boys.”

  I know I’m over-sharing, but like Peyton, she makes me want to be better.

  “I didn’t have a dad and my mum-well the less said about her, the better. I didn’t have a proper positive female influence in my life, not until I met the boys. Lori Newbolt, Jamie-Lee Chase, and Ava Landon took me under their wings, as if I were one of their own. I never knew how to treat women properly until they taught me. I was a tough nut to crack back then. I hated the world, and I was rebellious; I still am to a certain extent. I can’t accept it, I’m not sure how to love because I feel like I’m not worthy of it. That’s why I panicked when Raleigh told me she loved me.”

  I take a long sip of my coffee and she reaches across the table for my hand.

  “You can’t change the past, Brody, but you can’t let it shape your future either. You deserve to be happy, look at Sam and Peyton, they seem happy. They’re married, and they’ve got two kids now.”

  I smile, as I think of my two best friends. They’re so in love, it’s fucking sickening. “They’re stupidly happy; they make me want to reach for the sick bucket!”

  I roll my eyes animatedly and she smiles, as I look at her. “Talk to Raleigh, tell her how you feel. Pretend she’s me, if you like, if it makes it easier.”

  As I listen to her say those words, I consider that maybe she’s right. Maybe I am worthy, and I do need to tell her how I feel.

  19

  Raleigh

  After we managed to get away from the pursuing paparazzi, Sam dropped me off at my new apartment in Kensington. We swapped numbers, and he told me to call him if I ever need him. I can see us becoming friends. The keys are waiting at the concierge desk for me with the security guard, who introduces himself as ex-Marine, Aaron Blake. He is over six-feet tall, his broad shoulders and his bulging muscles, make him look terrifying, but his kind blue eyes and dark brown hair, styled into a neat side parting, soften his features.

  “Anything you need, ma’am, anytime, day or night, someone will be there to deal with your every need. Someone will be on duty twenty-four, seven and security is of utmost importance.”

  I nod, and I can’t stop the grin that spreads across my face. I finally have a place I can call home. My recently renovated, one-bedroom apartment on the lower ground floor is situated in the secluded square of Iverna Court, hidden in an oasis of serenity, with a private, communal garden. Aaron shows me up to my apartment and I’m stunned into silence as I walk through the door. It is modern and decorated in light grey, neutral tones throughout. The large grey corner sofa dominates the space and looks inviting. As I step further into the room, I notice a fifty-inch flat screen TV, on a white lacquer TV stand, in the corner of the room. Aaron stands back, as I take in my surroundings.

  “Is everything to your satisfaction, Miss Storm? We furnished it exactly the way Mr Lyndsey requested,” he asks, and I turn to him with a beaming grin.

  “Yes, everything is fantastic, it’s beyond perfect. Thank you so much, Aaron, I really appreciate it.”

  He smiles and nods curtly. “If there’s anything else, the number for the front desk is next to the phone, and my personal number is also on there, should you need my assistance.”
<
br />   I find myself smiling back and nod my understanding. “Thank you.”

  He nods silently and leaves me to take in my new home. My fresh start, my new chapter.

  ***

  I find myself settling in by ordering pizza, a bottle of wine and snuggling on the sofa in my jogging bottoms and comfy top, in front of the TV. I’m watching You on Netflix when I unexpectedly hear a knock on the door. My heartbeat starts to quicken, as no one knows about this place, apart from Sam and my agent, Paul. I get up from the sofa, reluctant to answer the door to my unknown visitor.